Ever since I was a child, as young as I can remember, I’ve had really vivid dreams. They caught my attention to the point that they became the center of my little world. I would replay them in my mind and wonder about them all the time. I’d often ask my mother questions there was no way she could answer.
“Ma…what are dreams? Why do they feel so real? Are they real?”
“No girl. They’re just dreams.”
“But how can I see something in a dream that I’ve never seen in real life, or on tv, or even imagined?”
“I don’t know”, she’d say.
I was so curious about and engulfed in my dreams, that it confused me that everyone else wasn’t. Mine were so interesting that I expected that when we went around other people, for everyone to be talking about what they had dreamt about the night before. I waited…eavesdropped on plenty of adult conversations…and it never happened. I played with my cousins day after day, and none of them ever said, “guess what I dreamt about last night”. It wasn’t long before I started to wonder whether other people had the types of dreams I did. I reasoned that they couldn’t be, because if they did, they’d definitely be talking about it. I would have recurring dreams sometimes, and eventually I realized that after I told my mother about the dream, I wouldn’t have it again. So, after the third night of having any dream I’d tell my mom about it, to get rid of it. In hindsight, perhaps those were specifically for her.
I was about 5 or 6 when I had the first of what I now call, “Past-life dreams” that I can remember. I hear people refer to it as past-life experiences, which I guess is done through meditation, and even hypnosis, but I’m referring to accessing the akasha in the dream-state. Perhaps they’re all the same thing…all just a state of unconsciousness regardless of the method. I had my theory of what was happening back then, but I had nothing to reference it against until I was an adult. I remember waking up and climbing into my mom’s bed the way I would nearly every morning. She had instructed me to stop waking her up to tell her my dreams, so I would just lay there until she woke up, and then begin to tell her as soon as she did. “Ma, I had a dream, and I saw Tonya, but she was a man?!? I saw Punkin, but he looked different…not like he looks now, but it was him!…I know it was!”. It would go on and on like that, just naming different relatives, and telling her how in my dreams they appeared as different people, but that I instantly recognized them.
I’d even witness a death of someone and wake up hysterical, just knowing for certain that person was really dead. It would be them in a different form, but my young mind didn’t know how to process these things. My mom once called an aunt in the middle of the night to assure me that one of my cousins was alive, so that I could get back to sleep. These dreams happened randomly for years. I would be watching through this set of eyes, like a movie, as a scene played out, and no matter what the characters appeared as, my spirit would always recognize them as whoever they were within my family in this life. I have a very large, very close-knit family, and some of them have definitely been family, friends, or some sort of familiar in past lives of mine. My mother could never explain what I was witnessing, and after hearing, “It’s just a dream”, so many times, and after life’s traumas get ahold of you, dreams just become something that happens when you sleep.
They never stopped meaning something to me, but I stopped talking about them. Despite having never heard the concept of reincarnation, as a child I had come to my own internal truth that these were in fact memories. I had decided that these things I was seeing weren’t like my regular dreams, and had actually happened. There was a notable difference. So, I reasoned that if these things had actually happened, then my family members had to have been those people before…but how? I couldn’t wrap my head around this. It made me think extensively about life and death, perhaps more than a child my age should or usually would. It was that truth, that question I held within me, to myself, that always nagged at me, and didn’t allow me to fully embrace or understand religion or life in general. I didn’t know what the truth was…just that I hadn’t yet found it.
Once I stepped onto my spiritual path, and began raising my consciousness the dreams came back, after having been absent for years. Then again they could’ve always been there, simply being ignored and misunderstood. Not only the past-life dreams, but the extremely “interesting” ones…only now I understand what’s happening and I’m able to interpret them correctly. My family members aren’t in them anymore. I suppose I exhausted all of those besides the one where I learned about a history my youngest son and I shared in another life back in 2012 when he was a little over a year old. Instead I see memories of places like what would likely be Sumeria, Kemet, Asia, and Europe. I’ve been hesitant to share these or any of my spiritual experiences however, because…well, I’m not sure why. I think I used to fear ridicule, people not believing me, or thinking I’m crazy. I guess I don’t care anymore. Perhaps I will make separate posts on specific dreams because they are pretty cool. Though the coolest one thus far I don’t think I’d ever share. (perhaps with with someone closest to me who’d understand…or care lol)
I also don’t care to reveal many of my past lives because I’ve come to an inner knowing that these things are revealed to me for my own growth and understanding of myself, purpose, and perhaps karma. For example, there are many times that I will be naturally drawn to a particular person, or a certain practice will resonate with me. Then I will sometimes tap into a memory of myself engaging in that particular practice in another life. This has served me as a sort of confirmation and validation of my own intuition, or connection with my Higher Self, or Spirit. This has given me great confidence in that connection and allowed me to relax on my path with full faith that I’m being guided and will eventually get wherever it is I’m supposed to go and learn what I’m supposed to learn in this life. Judging by the course of my current path, I’m also thinking that I’m supposed to correct certain things I put into play or encouraged long ago. So, that’s what I see as the ultimate purpose in Spirit revealing these things to me, not necessarily for others to know in detail. Still I believe it can benefit others, perhaps in doubt of the reality of reincarnation to know that these things are possible.
Initially I didn’t embrace my dreams in the way that I do now. When I first started on this path I wanted to be able to do everything everyone else could. If I heard someone say it was possible, and that they could do it, I wanted to be able to do it…like yesterday. I was comparing myself to others to the point that I wasn’t appreciating my own path, and doubting myself. Some people are naturally clairvoyant, clairaudient, telepathic, can see sound, and auras, all kinds of cool shit. However, now I know that my experience is what’s beneficial TO ME, and the same for each individual. Plus when I questioned myself I really couldn’t even think of a good reason I wanted to do those other things except thinking it was what made someone spiritual or “powerful”. At that time I also didn’t understand that literally everyone is a spiritual being. We are all fragments of the Divine, God, Universe, or whatever you identify with. Nothing determines that but your existence. We are all the exact expressions we are meant to be, we only have to realize it. I wanted to share that lesson I learned so hopefully no one reading this feels that way. Never compare yourself to other people. You could be overlooking something meant for you, for a specific reason because you’re too busy focusing on others. So, with my fascination of dreams, it’s no wonder my first novel, “Lucid Lou”, is dream focused. It’s finally done, and I can’t wait to share it with everyone really soon. 😊